I'll Never Write a Novel

The Memoir of a Personal Essayist OR Confessions of a Theatre Widow

Monday, March 24, 2008

Eating While...

Eating is the kind of thing that you should be focused on when you do it. But we all know that people often partner all sorts of activities with eating. Sure, eating and drinking go together, that's obvious. But, even from an early age, everyone learns to not talk with your mouth full. Feeding Little G today, I had to instruct The Dad Guy not to distract her. "Let's stay focused on eating, little girl..." I said.

One of the more famous websites dedicated to the idea of what it's funny to do while eating has to be, http://cryingwhileeating.com/. It funny to see the combinations of what types of tears are shed over various cuisines. It's also just generally funny to see people distracted from two endeavors that should require one's full attention, crying and eating.

My husband tells tales of when he wanted to know what it was like to eat while showering. As it turns out, unbeknownst to him his brother tried Eating While Showering, as well. Years later they discussed their experiences. What, you might ask, did my hubby choose to eat in the shower? Chicken. Yup, a chicken drumstick, in fact. You might think this would be a time that would call for watermelon, right?

Which brings me to the reason from my post on this topic. I was driving down I-5 last week and was stuck in traffic. Big surprise (How do you do it Zesty Jenny!?)! But someone to lighten my mood and make my trip a little easier, I had the time to look over and see a guy driving a Ford Explorer. And Eating While Driving. It's not advisable in any case. But do you know what this guy in a business suit in an Explorer was eating? A really big chunk of Watermelon.

That was weird.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Spitzer Swallows

Happy Valentine's Day, Everybody!

No, I haven't lost it. Yet. I know that we are long past Valentine's Day. But it's sort of been in the news as of late, so I thought I would address it, even if we've added a few days to the calendar.

It's been in the news via an unlikely source, Eliot Spitzer. Yes, that Eliot Spitzer. Yeah, some Valentine, right?

Well, it turns out that his infamous tryst as Client #9 was on February 13-- Valentine's Eve. Yucky Pucky. This means that he presumably left DC and headed North on the 14th to spend the holiday of love with his wife and the mother of his children. Again, yuck.

Is there anything that Mr. Spitzer could have done on February 14 that would have made it a good holiday? Anything that would have made up for the $4500 travesty of the night before? Try as he may, try as he might, we all know that there is NOTHING he could get her to make up for his action. What his wife really wants is to trust her husband again. You can't buy that at Tiffany. The only things he buys soothe his own conscience.

What the hell was he thinking? Beyond the ethical and moral ramifications, this guy is a big pile of idiot. Did he think he wouldn't get caught? The guy busting up corruption in NY thinks he gets away with this? What a moron, right? He thought he could illegally move $80,000+ around to pay for hookers and his poor wife, kids and state constituency wouldn't find out. Amazing.

And Valentine's Day eve... His poor wife gets trotted out last week in front of the media, as the February 13 extravaganza plays out: where he was, who she was, how much he paid, his "special" requests. And she's just standing there, stricken. No one asked her where she was on Valentine's Day Eve. What did she get him? What did he get her? I didn't notice any big bling. I suppose anything of note surely would have lost its luster already.

* * * * * *
Even if he gave his wife this gift, it couldn't be enough. He could even throw in a line about how it represents "their journey." What a journey it is now.

But, for fun, let's just say Mr. Spitzer did go all out this Valentine's. Here are some thoughts on what he might have gotten "the Mrs." this year:

A Monthly Delivery Program so she's reminded of him 12 wonderful times a year

Lasting Moments: Creative Memories Scrapbooking Magazine subscription (so she can archive all the good times)

Giant Bear with Roses, (Nothing says love like a big old stuffed animal)

Sandals Jamaica Getaway: For Two People in Love Package

Or This Getaway instead-- it strikes me as more his style

Boudoir Photography Session of Sexy Photos... of Himself!

Personalized Glass Photo Frame: Is this what love looks like? (quite frankly anything from this site looks like a good choice)

That's just a start. And if they do work through this he's going to have a lot of gift-giving to do. Remember Kobe Bryant? I'm having a really hard time getting in this guy's shoes myself. Any Other thoughts on what he might have give?

Saturday, March 15, 2008

We are the Champ-ions

What I am working on right now:

Darina Allen's Champ

This is not a book or an album, it's a recipe. My family is having our annual St. Patrick's Day to-do tonight and I volunteered to make Champ. It's really just fancy shmancy mashed potatoes, but a very traditional Irish dish. The scallions are chopped. The potatoes are boiling. The milk is ready to be warmed.

The woman who wrote the recipe uses some fabulous lingo in it. She says to put "knobs" of butter in a well on the top. The knobs are all prepared. But my favorite item she instructs is that you are to boil the potatoes with their jackets on. I love the idea of potatoes in jackets. In fact, I really like personification of inanimate objects. Seriously. Ask me about it sometime. It's pretty much always funny to me.

So, The Champ is happening. And it's going to be really, really good. Along with all the other tasty items being prepared. And this way we can make St. Patty's last through the actual day, March 17. But we celebrate today in order to not conflict with Holy Week, which starts on Monday. This issue hasn't come up in decades, but we're finding a way to make it work. Little Irish Catholic trivia for you.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

My Mom Is Awesome

This is a shot from the Washington State Senate last week where Senate Resolution 8717 was passed, honoring my mom. It's bittersweet because she can't be here with us to celebrate this amazing honor. Were she still here, last Tuesday would have been, well, Tuesday.

I have been battling the bitter part of the "bittersweet" as of late, but today I am savoring the sweet. My mom was one amazing lady and I am so blessed to have her as my mom. I am extra blessed that I have gotten to share her with so many appreciative people. The language of the bill is quite "senate-y" but really nice:

I treasure all this, but I think my favorite part is that she "acted on her deeply held beliefs in such a manner that she brought honor and dignity to herself and to our state, and resulted in her gaining the respect of even those who most vehemently disagreed with her on policy..." This is a conversation Mom and I had a lot. She would say that there were people who called her controversial, but, moreover, said there were people who didn't like her. I often noted that people may disagree with her, but they all respect her. And, they do. What is there not to love about this woman? You couldn't help but like her. She deserves respect and she got it. Now, it is forever in the record of Washington State that this is true.

Another neat part of this is that it was introduced as a bi-partisan resolution. She would like this almost as much as the fact that it thanks her husband and kids. My dad and I talked the other night and we talked about how my mom would never take credit for the things she did. She was always so grateful to my dad and really praised his faith, dedication, fortitude, and on and on. She's 100% right about all that and more. My dad is quite remarkable, too, I'll have you know. But, my mom would always tell you that everything she did wasn't about her, but was for "Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam" (AMDG) or as it is translates, "For The Greater Glory of God."

I am constantly thinking about the ways I can be more like my mom. How lucky I am to be like her in many ways already. Living for the Greater Glory is certainly a start. I am praying for the blessings and gifts that only come from God like the ability to make people see the best in themselves and make them feel special, the ability to connect with people in a unique way, to light up a room, and to make people feel good... (she had more gifts than I can possibly name here). I am praying, too, for the patience to develop these skills-- and wisdom to discern them as they are presented to me. I ask for wisdom and patience a lot. It can't hurt to ask you to pray for me to have those gifts, too.

Please continue to pray for my family. We all have a hole in our hearts. Please pray for me and for people generally to become better and more loving.
As many have said in honor of my mom, I add, "Job well done, good and faithful servant." What I add is, "I have fought the good fight. I have run the race. I have kept the faith." Yes, you have, Mom.