I'll Never Write a Novel

The Memoir of a Personal Essayist OR Confessions of a Theatre Widow

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Ick... Spiders

I saw a spider in the downstairs bathroom yesterday. It was smoking a cigar and called me names. It was angry that I dared to enter the bathroom.

It was huge. It was the Shaquille O'Neal, nay, the Andre the Giant, of spiders. I half expected it to say, "Anybody want a peanut?"

Pictures speak a thousand words, and blog readers like them, but I was afraid that if I went to get a camera that I might come back and it would be gone. And, if it were gone I would know it was on the move. Then I would be stuck picturing it wearing my PJ's and getting into my bed for the night. I think it would try to read my Stephen Colbert book but might think again as it's hardcover and heavy. Everyone has fears.

8 Comments:

Blogger Lena said...

Thank you for not posting a picture of the spider, the description was more than enough ... I hope the spider took its eight legs and moved out of your house.

8:14 PM  
Anonymous beth said...

Mwah hah hah--that makes me laugh. Maybe if YOU crawled into bed with I Am America, the spider would stay the hell away from the big heavy thing!

3:19 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

This might be some of your most genius work.

And what is it about the spiders at 4408? They are ginormous. I've never understood it.

Creepy.

11:28 PM  
Blogger noreen said...

Lena: Thanks for the affirmation that a photo wasn't necessary. And I choose to imagine he's elsewhere now.
Beth: I sleep with I Am American by my bedside. I hope that's enough of a scare tactic!
Kate: There is something about the woodsy spiders that they feast on lots of earthy things to grow strong like bull. The ones at the condo are the same way: HUGE. Yikes.

10:42 AM  
Blogger The Olson Trio said...

So, did you two just have a staring contest? If so, did you with two eye or he with 200 eyes blink first?

11:44 AM  
Blogger noreen said...

Meredith: I blinked first. Right before I started crying.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Camille said...

*shivers* I agree with you and Lena. Thank you for not posting a picture.

I hope it doesn't return. Ever.

7:10 AM  
Blogger ZestyJenny said...

Dude. You didn't kill it?

Really?

How do you know he's NOT wearing your pajamas?

9:59 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home